Mexicans...

Or more specifically... hispanics.  The word is normally followed by either somewhat racially insensitive remarks or... well, usually it's that.  Many times the root of the derision is misunderstandings, prior bad experiences, or many of myriad of possible circumstances regarding upbringing that could happen to any ethnic group.  However, I think one of the causes, at least with perceptions from my upbringing, is that Mexicans are lazy.  I feel kinda dirty even typing that.  Do I believe this?... No, not at all.  But I can understand, based on observation, how that perception could be created.

Let's take a look at Americans... people of the land of opportunity.  The majority of middle to upper class people here are expected to overachieve.  You are expected to take advantage of your upbringing, learn a great deal, make a ton of money, start your family somewhere (else), and become wildly successful.  This environment of overachievement is achieved through working really hard, usually above what's required, in order to be noticed.  You're expected to move on opportunities, even if that means separating you from what you know and from your family.  In the end, the truly "successful" people are the ones with crazy awesome jobs, lots of money, and, normally, a fairly neglected family or possibly the absence of one, and few true deep friendships.  The "successful" people didn't have the time or the opportunity to maintain those relationships.  They were too busy achieving.

Most people from a hispanic background have a different definition of "success".  Success from that standpoint usually means putting family above jobs.  Friends above opportunities.  A lot of the people I've met here in San Antonio, if they have a choice between traveling to another city like New York or San Francisco... heck even Austin, and staying at home for a family BBQ... they'd stay here.  In the past, I interpreted that as fear of the unknown, and for some I'm sure it is.  But for those who are fairly well-rounded and educated, it's something different.  Something that's fairly new to me.  It's being happy with what you got.  It's enjoying the relationships.  So what if they're not working as hard as they can.  So what if they're not tripping over themselves to get the job done.  So what if they pass up opportunities all over the country.  They're happier than I am.  Who's "successful" now?

The Washing Dish Causality Loop

I'm going to deviate briefly on my life to touch on a concept that I think has many applications in life, love, and business.  How many people have seen the commercial for the movie, or the movie itself, "The Breakup"?  In the commercial, Jennifer Aniston tells Vince Vaughn: "I don't WANT you to do the dishes, I WANT YOU to WANT to do the dishes".  For anyone who's EVER done the dishes (and is a girl), that is a really confusing statement.  Who the heck WANTS to do the dishes?  Of course the meaning behind it is that if you love this girl enough, you would want to always do the dishes... for example, in the hierarchy of things... even the most mundane tasks, because they hold value to the other instantly get catapulted into the realm of things that hold great enjoyment.  For example, for me, cleaning up after my wife is not fun.  But following that logic, because it's something my wife would benefit from and she would like me to do it... it instantly becomes an activity that should be on par with playing video games or eating a steak dinner... depending on how much I loved her.  Right...  On the flip side, if she loved me enough, her mowing the lawn should rate up there with going shoe shopping.  The logic just does not pan out.

There is however, another way to view this line and that is... the "You" should want to do the activity because it's what's best for "Us".  This line of reasoning works much better... as long as the other person also "WANTS" to do it... since I never saw the movie, I have no idea.  The true love example of this would mean that each person wants to do the dishes... because it's the right thing to do and it makes for, in general, a happier life.  The perfect example would be if my wife failed to do the dishes, I would actually be HAPPY that I had the opportunity to make things right... and if she DID do the dishes, I would STILL BE HAPPY because it means that she also wants to make things right.  Of course if this was the case... no one would be talking about the dishes... they would just get done and both parties grow in love for the other.  Fortunately, our household doesn't have that problem because I enjoy taking a full sink of dishes and clearing it out... makes me feel a sense of accomplishment.  Of course if my wife never let the sink get full, that'd be nice too... but meh, who cares.

But how does this apply to the business world?  Well, every company wants its employees to do what is best for... well, the company right?  In fact... they not only want them to do what's best for the company... they want the employee to WANT to do what's best for the company.  That's easy when you tell them exactly what you want them to do... and it's easy... and the employee enjoys doing it.  But what happens if its hard, or slightly fuzzy as to what you need to do, or the employee doesn't enjoy doing it?  Then what?  I think the line of reasoning in the previous paragraph still applies... there needs to be this "US" that everyone's working towards.  A communal objective that transcends the employee versus management mentality... something that moves beyond... I do my job... you give me money.  At some companies... it's the mission... at some, that's just the culture that's created.  I've been taking classes in HR for the past 4 months... and it's obvious that the culture impacts how people work.  At USAA, where I work, the emphasis on the member and what the men and women and families have to go through as someone who is in the military or is in the family of a military member is nearly oppressive.  We're constantly being shown the difficulties facing our "membership" and why it's our responsibility to make things better.  It's not about my paycheck... or how my manager's making me do things that s/he won't do or can't do... it's about the customer.  People stop paying attention to what they get and start thinking about something else... and that's what a company needs.  That something else.  The "Us" or the company.  When I start my company one of these days... someone remind me of the "Us".

The Ambivalence Factor

So, I'm going to be a dad... sometime around October 7th, 2010.  Hopefully, Kim can keep it in for an extra couple of days and we can shoot for 10/10/10.  Not going out of the way for it, but... hey... if we can manage it, that'd be wicked cool.

I've been reading the Complete Idiot's Guide to Fatherhood because, well, I need it.  And it's described an emotion that I've been feeling quite frequently ever since I found out that my life was headed in another direction in 9 months.  Nearly all fathers, with the exception of the most heroic and sacrificial fathers, have felt this same emotion, and it is summed up with a word that needs all 4 syllables in order to fully describe it... Ambivalence.  Dictionary.com defines Ambivalence as "the coexistence within an individual of positive and negative feelings toward the same person, object, or action, simultaneously drawing him or her in opposite directions".  Wow, ain't that the truth.

For most women, the positive feelings absolutely overwhelm the negative feelings, but I think for me... since I don't know what it means to be a Dad... really KNOW what it means, my negative feelings are outnumbering the positive.  Is that horrible?  On top of that, I get to feel guilty about that because the world tells me that having children is friggin' awesome... and I get that.  I've watched teens grow and discover new things and really blossom, but I haven't experienced fatherhood yet, and I DON'T GET IT. 

Popular legitimate negative feelings are fear of knowing what to do, fear of the unknown, worrying about if everything's going to be ok... but I'm getting other negative feelings... the book mentions them also, but I wonder if they really are legitimate because they still stinkin make me feel guilty for having them.  They usually go along the lines of... "well, hell, there goes my chances of [insert lifetime plans here]".  Opening my own bubble tea shop... well, that's not happening anymore... start my own company?... yea, right... maybe in a couple of decades when the kids are out of college... get into real estate investing?... sorry, that money's earmarked for something else.  Wow, this is such selfish stuff!... so here comes the guilt again.  "Hey man, haven't seen you in like... 45 seconds".

Enter... the Asian

Well, I'm doin it. I'm starting a blog. Why? Because I've got a lot of stuff rattling around in my head and I think it's pretty good stuff (because I'm an idiot). Hmm... what am I going to be blogging about? What does anyone blog about? Whatever the heck is on the person's mind right? Well, that's a lot of things then. You can expect to see blogs about life, religion... being the other half of a pregnant woman (and eventually a Parental entity), technology, entrepreneurship, business, and... probably at least an angry soapbox tirade... a week... So, here goes nothing.